That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
