I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
