well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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