It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
