just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
