Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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