best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
