SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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