Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are we still banned from the library?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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