Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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