i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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