I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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