I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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