She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
