I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
