Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
