I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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