my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
