I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
