Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
