it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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