I wannas sexs uuuuu
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize