Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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