a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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