Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
