I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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