worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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