And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
