dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
