the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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