he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
