I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
