My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
