btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
