Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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