They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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