i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
