Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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