I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
