Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
