3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
