dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
