So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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