I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
