fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
