Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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