he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
