it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize