Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it glows. i had to have it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
