This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
