I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
