Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
