he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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