Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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