I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
