he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
