For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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