the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
