I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
