oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
