I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
