i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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