So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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