We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ttyl tear gas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
