I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.