I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?