maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.