See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.