Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

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(330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" http://tfl.nu/62xo

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

First class.

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(609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby

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(443): View more from Maryland

BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.

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(443): BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup. http://tfl.nu/0lqk

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(253): View more from Washington

You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!

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(253): You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!! http://tfl.nu/4k8v

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

someone was throwing condoms at us.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

no, they just magically show up around you.

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(401): someone was throwing condoms at us. (1-401): no, they just magically show up around you. http://tfl.nu/lgd4

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

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(724): i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here. http://tfl.nu/fq3k

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.

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(201): Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario. http://tfl.nu/e7rb

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(818): View more from California

Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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(818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul

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(678): View more from Georgia

I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.

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(678): I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong. http://tfl.nu/c8ur

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

How have you survived this long?

(479): View more from Arkansas

Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

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(479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...

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(504): I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off... http://tfl.nu/wbci

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(660): View more from Missouri

People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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(660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward

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(414): btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward http://tfl.nu/opuz

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(931): View more from Tennessee

He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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(931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj

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(940): View more from Texas

I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast

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(940): I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast http://tfl.nu/e3ki

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