No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"