I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.