Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS